Yeah, rough. But he said that to me. And well, okay maybe it wasn't a face to face encounter, but still it was as though ten different women all rose up from inside of me to defend me. The justice part wanted to defend myself. The encourager wanted to soothe where his words hurt. The peacemaker wanted to ensure both sides left feeling fine. The mother inside wanted to comfort me. And the heroine wanted to shelter myself and save the day. Yet as I felt my blood starting to boil, all I really wanted to do was to attack him. I wanted to tear him down and belittle him, hoping it would make him feel as small as he had just made me feel. Unfiltered, I dumped out all my feelings to my husband. Saying all the things I wish I was brave enough to say to his face. Ugly things like, "Well, I hope you don't talk to your wife and daughter like that, you misogynistic prick." But in the end, and with my husbands wisdom, I closed my messages and cried. Actually, I sobbed; and for no less than an hour. It hurt. Like really hurt. I felt helpless and that he was getting away with treating me so horribly. Every part of me ached with a longing of vindication to be done on my behalf.
one can take your power away. Your voice and perspective is the most valuable thing about you.
After I sobbed for sometime, my husband checked in on me and helped walk me through forgiveness. It was painful. Like taking a thorn out of my skin kind of painful. I didn't want to do it, but I knew that holding on to it was only hurting me. Un-forgiveness turns into resentment and bitterness. Resentment and bitterness is like a poison. If left unattended, it can filter in to other parts of your life leaving damage in its tracks.
As I released all the pain I felt, I honestly didn't feel better. I felt nothing. But all I could think about was how there was a God who experienced more betrayal and pain than I could even fathom yet he still did not hold it against humanity. He wore everything I've ever done plus the sin of the world and still forgave. He never once spoke out to defend himself. He humbly sacrificed his life because he knew I could never pay that debt. That's the scandal of the gospel though. There is forgiveness for both the abused and the abuser. Believing in Jesus and acting like him requires a strength of will. I was reminded how much that is easier said than done. Forgiveness probably being the biggest one. My heart wanted justification, but I knew I may never get it. But forgiveness says, "I forgive because I know Someone who never holds my worse days against me." So if He forgave, so can I. I am not saying what the man said to me was right, but that is not my decision to be his judge and juror. And quite frankly, that is above my pay grade. What I do know is that it releases me to stop holding judgements against him, or others for that matter, and to just see them as God sees him: a son. Again, way easier said than done.
I've seen women do incredible things in my lifetime, from starting from the ground up and becoming a household name to raising small humans who are kind and powerful. There is no glass ceiling for women because they are powerful, compassionate, generous, kind, hella-strong, and more than capable to accomplish their dreams. So, with that said, no I do not think working with women is something to hate. It's something that should be celebrated!
xx
Luna
1. Statistics found on the National Association of Women Business Owners website. To see full the statistic on "The State of Women Businesses 2017" click HERE.
2. Trends on 2019 Women Owned Businesses
